My Smallest Fears

One of this week’s DS106 assignments is to write about our biggest fear. But my tiny fears are so elaborate and vividly imagined that it seemed a waste not to focus on them. If you remember that I’m a woman who moved to Morocco solo, regularly hikes cross-country into unfamiliar mountains, successfully fended off an attempted mugging, travels around Europe alone, and recently punched a stranger in the street,1 it’ll be funnier.

My Smallest Fears
I'm afraid that my electric mixer will spiral out of control, spontaneously ejecting the metal whisks, propelling them into my face in a deadlhy spin, and splattering my kitchen with raw batter. Every time I reach into a sink drain, I am afraid the garbage disposal will turn on by itself and mangle my hand. I'm afraid of sharks in every deep swimming pool. I'm afraid of being hunted and eaten by wild dogs during my morning run. Whenever I am in a bed that has a large, framed picture hanging over it, I am afraid it will fall and kill me in my sleep. Sometimes I still check for monsters in my closet. After killing a cockoach, I worry that its body will burst open and baby cockroaches will come pouring out. I am afraid of primate smiles. The THX sound effect fills me with dread. I am afraid that I will contract ebola and die a horrible, gruesome death. I am afraid of voyages on any boat larger than a dinghy. In every outhouse I use, I am afraid of sitting on a black widow spider.

  1. Not connected with the mugging attempt. []

7 Responses

  • Expand this concept and you’ll have a book I’d buy for a kajillion dollars. Elements of SempĂ© and Gorey mix with your own original, inspired, and twisted perspective to create a compulsively readable freak fest.

  • I totally agree with Josh. People would love a book like this. How about combining a small book combining My Smallest Fears, My Wildest Dreams, and Most Annoying Experiences?

  • I am astonished by how many of these I share, despite never having admitted them to anyone. Except maybe the garbage disposal thing, I mention that one a lot. >.<

    Also am afeared of falling and ripping my stitches, but that's a recent development.

  • I think you were with me in the bathroom, Serena, especially in Bulgaria. This is only seconded by the sink drain possibility. We need our hands! You probably don’t like to be told to write a book. but if you continue these cartoons, you might find yourself wondering where to put them all and decide to bind them.

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